There are five different ways that conflict can be handled: avoidance, accommodation, competition, reactivity, and collaboration (McCornack 255-260). Everyone has a primary style in which they deal with conflict; however, I believe that the style we use can also depend on the interpersonal relationship of which one is a part. For example, I will not use the same style with my wife, my coworkers, my classmates, or my boss. Depending on the context, I may be prone to use a different conflict handling style (it varies because of the goals involved). In the upcoming post, I will highlight each of these conflict styles, and I will share a relationship in my life in which I use a particular style.
One way to handle conflict is avoidance. This can be done by ignoring the conflict completely or pretending that it doesn’t exist. A practical way to do this is avoiding the subject when it comes up in conversation, a tactic called skirting. Another simple way is to completely walk away from the situation, which is called sniping. This type of handling conflict is typically good in situations in which I will probably not come out of the conflict with any results. I have had bosses in the past on which I have used these tactics. In one particular job, I didn’t care that I was right about something, I would simply avoid potential conflict because the work situation was temporary (only a summer job). I was able to ignore it effectively, even when I felt like I was being mistreated or misrepresented.
One way to handle conflict is avoidance. This can be done by ignoring the conflict completely or pretending that it doesn’t exist. A practical way to do this is avoiding the subject when it comes up in conversation, a tactic called skirting. Another simple way is to completely walk away from the situation, which is called sniping. This type of handling conflict is typically good in situations in which I will probably not come out of the conflict with any results. I have had bosses in the past on which I have used these tactics. In one particular job, I didn’t care that I was right about something, I would simply avoid potential conflict because the work situation was temporary (only a summer job). I was able to ignore it effectively, even when I felt like I was being mistreated or misrepresented.
Another way to handle conflict is accommodation. This is one person simply acquiesces to the wishes of another (Dontigney). This type of response is evident in two spots in my life: when I am the subordinate of another and when I don’t care about a particular issue as strongly as my wife. When I am under the supervision of my boss at work, it doesn’t matter if I want to do something or not; I just do it. My current job is great because I can discuss potential issues with my boss because he knows that I want to do a good job, and he knows I don’t try to get out of doing hard or tedious work. I would acquiesce to his wishes if he ever was adamant about something, for I still want to be employed. On another note, when I am with my wife, I will sometimes undergo this style of conflict management. If she cares strongly about something (and I disagree but only care a little bit), then I will give in to her demands because it is not worth the fight. “Happy wife, happy life” as the wiser men in my life have said.
A third way to handle conflict is competition, which is when someone disregards another’s pursuit of goals for one’s own pursuit of different goals. I am actually not very inclined to utilize this method very often, but I will on occasion. When a group project needs to be done and nobody “steps up to the plate” in a timely manner, then I will typically try to push my ideas through the system in order to finish the project on time. When my goals of doing a decent job on my projects seem to interfere with the goals of others (like doing little to no work, or turning in work poorly done or extremely late), then I tend to become a little more of a jerk in order to accomplish my goal. This rarely happens to a bad extreme (most people don’t mind if I take over during crunch time either).
A third way to handle conflict is competition, which is when someone disregards another’s pursuit of goals for one’s own pursuit of different goals. I am actually not very inclined to utilize this method very often, but I will on occasion. When a group project needs to be done and nobody “steps up to the plate” in a timely manner, then I will typically try to push my ideas through the system in order to finish the project on time. When my goals of doing a decent job on my projects seem to interfere with the goals of others (like doing little to no work, or turning in work poorly done or extremely late), then I tend to become a little more of a jerk in order to accomplish my goal. This rarely happens to a bad extreme (most people don’t mind if I take over during crunch time either).
Another way to handle conflict is reactivity, which is characterized by accusations of mistrust, yelling, or crying. People that do this tend to “explode” on others. I have displayed this the most in my relationships with my brothers growing up and on the sports field. When my brothers and I would have conflict, as a mature older brother I would often beat them up instead of working it out. The tables have turned (I am now the smallest out of all five of us), but luckily this behavior was the exception. On the sports field, my sense of justice and short temper would sometimes get me into trouble with opposing players. When an opponent would cheap shot my teammates, I tried to make sure that he would “get the message” that his behavior wouldn’t be accepted by giving him a cheap shot as well. Instead of talking it through with him, I would often jump to conclusions about his actions, and It never ended well.
Collaboration is the final style of conflict management. It is characterized by seeing conflict as a mutual problem-solving challenge. I would like to think that I try to use this style more often than the other four. In most of my relationships (work, school, church, personal, etc), I typically care fairly deeply about the other individuals. Because of this, I want to come to a solution that benefits the both of us whenever possible. This style can be the hardest to use because it involves time and energy in order to do effectively, but it is definitely the most rewarding.
Collaboration is the final style of conflict management. It is characterized by seeing conflict as a mutual problem-solving challenge. I would like to think that I try to use this style more often than the other four. In most of my relationships (work, school, church, personal, etc), I typically care fairly deeply about the other individuals. Because of this, I want to come to a solution that benefits the both of us whenever possible. This style can be the hardest to use because it involves time and energy in order to do effectively, but it is definitely the most rewarding.
Sources
Dontigney, E. (n.d.). 5 conflict management strategies. In Chron. Retrieved April 26, 2015, from http://smallbusiness.chron.com/5-conflict-management-strategies-16131.html
McCornack, S. (2013). Managing conflict and power. In Reflect & Relate: An Introduction to Personal Communication (3rd ed., pp. 255-260). Boston: Bedford/ St. Martins.
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Dontigney, E. (n.d.). 5 conflict management strategies. In Chron. Retrieved April 26, 2015, from http://smallbusiness.chron.com/5-conflict-management-strategies-16131.html
McCornack, S. (2013). Managing conflict and power. In Reflect & Relate: An Introduction to Personal Communication (3rd ed., pp. 255-260). Boston: Bedford/ St. Martins.
http://romesentinel.com/dailyImages/2009/10/09/20091009-141220-002_medium.jpeg
http://www.ventures-africa.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/angry-boss.jpg
http://www.coydavidson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/iStock_000017948386Small-477x317.jpg